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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788669">The Love We All Hope to Find</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lo_lolita/pseuds/lo_lolita'>lo_lolita</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Boys in Skirts, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Painful Sex, Panties, Unprotected Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:07:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lo_lolita/pseuds/lo_lolita</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He just likes the power trip — he's never expected anything to come of it. In hindsight, Ciel realizes nothing was protecting him but pure arrogance, the assertion that surely nobody in their right mind would make a move on a thirteen-year-old boy, and especially not one of his status. He never thought anybody — much less Sebastian himself — would ever call him on his bluff.</p><p>In this assumption, Ciel is, unfortunately, completely wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Love We All Hope to Find</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/valleyofmidnight/gifts">valleyofmidnight</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wanted to challenge myself to twist something that is traditionally a fun, fluffy trope into something... Well. Like this. I probably wasn't going to finish it, but valleyofmidnight mentioned their birthday was soon, so! Hey. Happy birthday. :)</p><p>Unbeta'd. Titled after Flowers of Flesh and Blood by Nicole Dollanganger.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn't go to the cafe for the barista.</p><p>Okay, so the barista is the only one who can make Ciel's ridiculously complex chai tea latte order to his satisfaction, but that's — that's <i>all</i>. It's nothing to do with the tall, dark-haired, impeccably dressed, ridiculously polite barista himself.</p><p>Shut up, Lizzy.</p><p>Anyway, the cafe — a repurposed Victorian house decorated with antique furniture — is on the way to their school, so it's not as though Ciel goes out of his way to stop by every morning. And if he likes to flirt with the barista a little — okay, maybe Ciel knows his name and maybe his name is Sebastian, whatever — well, that's his business. It's fun to tease, fun to drag his tongue through the whip on the top of his drink and see the way Sebastian's pupils dilate just the slightest bit. Fun to sit at the tall counter seats and kick his feet, watch the way Sebastian eyes the knee-high socks that cling to Ciel's calves as part of his school uniform.</p><p>He just likes the power trip — he's never expected anything to come of it. In hindsight, Ciel realizes nothing was protecting him but pure arrogance, the assertion that surely nobody in their right mind would make a move on a thirteen-year-old boy, and especially not one of his status. He never thought anybody — much less Sebastian — would ever call him on his bluff.</p><p>In this assumption, Ciel is, unfortunately, completely wrong.</p><p>—</p><p>The straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak, is the day Ciel borrows a uniform skirt from Lizzy.</p><p>Ciel changes into the skirt in the alleyway outside the cafe — he never could have left the house that way — before heading in. Lizzy isn't with him this time; she had a doctor's appointment, or something. Ciel wasn't really listening when she explained.</p><p>When Ciel walks into the shop, the only person behind the counter is Sebastian, and there are no other customers. The bell over the door rings and Sebastian turns away from the espresso machine to greet him, but stops short when his gaze falls on Ciel's legs.</p><p>"Hi," Ciel says, saccharine. Sebastian is stunned silent for several seconds, but eventually, he finally snaps his gaze back to Ciel's face.</p><p>"... Good morning, Ciel," Sebastian says. It sounds as though he's straining to be cordial. It's the first time Ciel's ever seen him anything less than calm and collected. Ciel tries to smile sweetly as he approaches the counter, but it probably looks more like a smirk than anything else.</p><p>"The usual order, please. And—"</p><p>"One moment, please," Sebastian says, seemingly recovered. Ciel stops, and watches as Sebastian grabs something from out of the counter that he slips into his pocket, then steps out from behind the counter. He goes over to the front window and turns the sign around so it says <i>sorry, we're closed</i>, then turns the lock on the door.</p><p>There's a low swoop in Ciel's gut.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Ciel asks, grip tightening on the strap of his school bag. To his credit, his voice doesn't shake, but he doesn't sound nearly as forceful as he means to. Sebastian turns to face him again. When he moves, it's in slow, measured movements. Ciel backs up until he feels the counter digging into his lower back, and then Sebastian is blocking him in against it. His book bag slips off his shoulder and falls to the floor, forgotten.</p><p>"You know exactly what I'm doing," Sebastian says, calm as ever. The only sign that he's at all ruffled is a certain glint in his eye that sends a surge of both arousal and fear through Ciel. "The skirt was smart thinking. It'll grant easier access than your usual shorts would."</p><p>"Access?" Ciel repeats, leaning back as far as he can. His heart jackhammers in his chest as Sebastian leans closer to make up for it. He raises one hand to cup Ciel's cheek, thumb brushing across Ciel's lower lip. A small smile tugs at his lips.</p><p>"Don't waste my time with games. You don't want to be late to school, do you?"</p><p>Ciel swallows. Sebastian's eyes track the motion. "No, I suppose I don't," Ciel says faintly, and Sebastian's smile grows.</p><p>Moving so quickly that it leaves Ciel breathless, Sebastian spins him around so he's facing the counter. Sebastian's hands slide up Ciel's thighs and underneath the skirt. His touch is cool and soft, and Ciel shivers involuntarily. Sebastian's hands stop when they come to the edge of Ciel's underwear, and Ciel's heart is in his throat when he feels Sebastian take a step back, pushing his skirt out of the way.</p><p>"Are these for me?" Sebastian asks, voice low and amused as he traces his fingertips over the lace that trims the pure white panties.</p><p>"I... I just liked them," Ciel replies, and tries not to squirm under Sebastian's touch. "... Please, I. I've never..."</p><p>"You certainly act like you have," Sebastian says, the slightest of sharp edges to his tone. He hooks his fingertips into the top edge of Ciel's panties and yanks them down, settling them just under the swell of Ciel's ass. "Surely you've touched yourself, at least."</p><p>"I..." Ciel can't bring himself to say anything. He doesn't quite feel in control of himself; he almost feels as though all of this is happening to someone else, and he's only bearing witness.</p><p>And then he feels two slick, cold fingertips prodding at his hole. The sensation pulls him back to his body instantly, and cold dread creeps in to replace the numbness. Ciel tries to squirm away again, but Sebastian holds him in place with one hand firmly pressed against his lower back. With the other, Sebastian uses one finger to breach Ciel's entrance, a slow, slick slide that feels thicker and goes deeper than Ciel's ever been able to reach with his own fingers.</p><p>"You can't just..." Ciel falters when the pad of Sebastian's finger rubs firmly against a certain spot inside of him. His lips part in a gasp, hips jerking forward instinctively to seek some sort of friction against his cock. All he finds is the cold wooden edge of the counter, and the discomfort makes him whimper.</p><p>"I think I can," Sebastian says, tone as mild and pleasant as it's always been while taking Ciel's complex drink orders. "I think I <i>am</i>."</p><p>"Sebastian—"</p><p>Sebastian's finger presses into that spot again, and Ciel whines, pressing back against Sebastian's hand in spite of himself when the pressure isn't sustained. Sebastian starts to slide the finger in and out, working him open — a second finger joins the first before long, and Ciel isn't ready for just how much it stretches him open.</p><p>"It's t— it's too much," Ciel says, trying yet again to write away. This time, Sebastian grabs him by the hair and pushes his face down against the counter. Ciel yelps, partly in pain and partly in surprise.</p><p>"I'm sure you can handle it," Sebastian replies. And Ciel — well, he really doesn't have any choice, does he? He handles it.</p><p>Eventually, the burn of the stretch fades and is replaced with that same faint pleasure from before. When Sebastian finds that spot inside him again, this time with both fingers, Ciel keens, breath fogging the polished surface of the counter. Sebastian massages the spot for several moments, and Ciel presses back against him, too dizzy with pleasure and fear to be embarrassed about the whimpering noises that escape his lips all the while.</p><p>When Sebastian pulls his fingers out completely, Ciel is both bereft and afraid, because even he knows what comes next. He may be naive, but he's not stupid, and he tenses up all over when he hears a shuffle of fabric and the sound of  a zipper from behind him. He doesn't dare turn around.</p><p>What he does do, though, is whisper, "Please."</p><p>Sebastian folds himself over Ciel's small form and presses a kiss to his temple. "Relax," is all he says, and then Ciel feels something slick and considerably bigger than Sebastian's fingers nudging against his hole, this time.</p><p>It hurts, of course. Ciel broke his arm once when he was eight or nine, but the pain of that was nothing compared to this. It hurts inside and out, feels as though he's being torn apart clean through the center of him. But more than that, the <i>violation</i> of it hurts. The loss of the last lingering vestiges of innocence Ciel hadn't even realized he possessed are ripped from him all at once, and he's not proud of himself for it, but the tears he's been holding back this whole time finally spill over once Sebastian's cock is fully sheathed inside of him.</p><p>"Shh," Sebastian murmurs, fingertips brushing tears from Ciel's cheeks tenderly. Ciel sobs, overly loud in the quiet cafe, and Sebastian shushes him again, one hand stroking Ciel's side slowly and steadily. Ciel hates the way it really does help him relax, and he hates that relaxing sort of helps to ease the pain. Sebastian is quiet, but patient; he doesn't try to move until Ciel stops crying, until he's relaxed considerably. Only then does he start to rock his hips, tiny thrusts that barely pull him out a fraction of an inch before he pushes back in again.</p><p>Now that he's gotten his tears under control, Ciel is determined not to cry again. He squeezes his eyes shut as Sebastian's thrusts increase in depth and pace, as his surprisingly sharp fingernails dig into Ciel's thin hips. Ciel bites his lip to keep back as many noises as he can, and he doesn't realize he's bitten through it until he tastes blood. The sobs that threaten to wrack his body only escape in little muffled grunts, even when Sebastian gets a hand in his hair again and wrenches his head to the side to bare his neck. Sebastian bites down on the soft, pale skin, but still Ciel doesn't cry out, doesn't let tears spill over his cheeks.</p><p>Ciel holds his composure right up until the moment Sebastian's cock brushes against that little spot inside of him again. When he feels it, Ciel's mouth falls open in a high-pitched whine, hands scrabbling for purchase on the smooth surface of the counter. He finds the opposite edge and holds on, pressing his chest flat against the countertop. Sebastian makes a quiet noise that might be a laugh and presses in carefully on his next thrust. The head of his cock drags against Ciel's prostate, a delicious friction that leaves Ciel writhing and gasping.</p><p>His erection had flagged when Sebastian first started to fuck him in earnest, but Ciel's cock starts to fill out again as Sebastian once again picks up his pace. It still hurts, and Ciel's pretty sure he's bleeding — but the attention to his prostate helps. Sebastian eventually works a hand around to Ciel's front to wrap it around his cock, and Ciel feels so damnably <i>small</i> in his hand.</p><p>Ciel's orgasm takes him completely by surprise. He turns his head and bites into the sleeve of his coat to muffle his scream, unwilling to give Sebastian the satisfaction of being loud. Sebastian's breathing gets more erratic, and he doesn't stop or slow his pace of thrusting into Ciel's tight, oversensitive hole.</p><p>"Too much," Ciel pants, mouth open against the damp countertop. "Sebastian, it's too much, I can't—"</p><p>"Shh," Sebastian breathes, sounding more undone than Ciel has ever heard him before. "Almost. You can take it, Ciel."</p><p>"I can't," Ciel says, and the sob in his chest finally breaks out again. The tears flow freely down his cheeks as he tries in vain, weakly, to scramble away from Sebastian. Sebastian appears utterly unbothered by it, chasing his own orgasm single-mindedly and letting his nails bite into Ciel's hips once again.</p><p>When Sebastian comes several minutes later, he bites into Ciel's neck again. Ciel can feel the vibration of his moan against his skin, and he closes his eyes again, his last few tears leaking out and streaking his cheeks. Sebastian stays pressed deep inside of him for a few seconds, letting his breathing even out. When he does finally pull out, Ciel feels cum leak out of his hole and down his thighs. Sebastian pulls Ciel's panties back up and smooths down his skirt, and Ciel waits until he hears Sebastian zip his own pants back up before slowly, slowly standing up straight.</p><p>"You'd better get going," Sebastian says, running a hand through his hair. Ciel only looks at him for a second before tearing his gaze away. He can't — he can't. "You'll be late."</p><p>Ciel swallows and nods once, eyes fixed on the floor. "Yes. I should... Go." He wills his feet to move, but they don't. A pale hand makes its way into his line of sight, and then Sebastian is tilting Ciel's head back, forcing him to meet his eyes. Ciel briefly entertains the idea of closing his eyes just so he doesn't have to look into Sebastian's strange reddish ones, but he doesn't. He just stares back solemnly.</p><p>"Go upstairs," Sebastian sighs after a moment. "You can sleep in my bed. You look exhausted."</p><p>"I can't—" Ciel immediately begins to protest, but Sebastian presses a finger to his lips.</p><p>"You can," Sebastian says calmly. "You're a mess. You need to rest and clean yourself up. Children your age skip school all the time. You'll be fine."</p><p>Ciel swallows. The way Sebastian doesn't shy away from calling him a <i>child</i> is unexpected — he'd half expected there to be some sort of disconnect for Sebastian, some rationalization. There's not. He doesn't know how to feel about it.</p><p>"Will you..." Ciel pauses, uncertain how to phrase his question. Sebastian, as though reading his mind, smiles.</p><p>"I'll be up to see you in a few hours," Sebastian promises, and once again Ciel finds anticipation and dread pooling in his stomach at the same time.</p><p>".. Okay," Ciel agrees quietly. Sebastian leans in to kiss him, and Ciel is suddenly sick with the realization that his first kiss came <i>after</i> his first...</p><p>No. He won't think about it.</p><p>He lets himself be kissed, and when Sebastian pulls back, he lets Sebastian direct him up the stairs and into the bedroom. Finally alone, he leaves his shoes by the door and climbs into Sebastian's bed, curling up under the blankets that smell faintly like coffee and cinnamon.</p><p>Ciel doesn't let himself cry. He stares at the wall, and eventually, he drifts off into a dreamless sleep.</p>
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